Attitudes An Emotionally Intelligent Person Avoids In A Relationship

 The capacity to recognize your own feelings and those of others is called emotional intelligence. These two words make up one of the most complicated aspects of human nature. Possessing or developing a healthy emotional intelligence not only demands a keen insight into your own personal feelings, but managing them in a healthy and positive way.

Daniel Coleman is the mastermind behind this concept, he divided emotional intelligence into five basic stages. The first is self-awareness, which is the ability to understand your own moods and motivations and their effect on others. Self regulation entails reigning in your emotions, which means you have to think before you act. The third is internal motivation, which is marked by an interest in learning and self-improvement. Empathy is the fourth component, and it is the ability to understand the emotional reactions of others. The last component is social skills, which is the ability to identify cues to build and establish strong relationships.

These five pillars are born in the emotional center of the brain called the neocortex, which along with the amygdala and hippocampus, create the personality, balance, and strength of our emotions little by little. A person with a healthy emotional intelligence is more likely to succeed in their objectives and transform criticism into a positive force of action. Someone with the power to understand control their emotions will not let the following attitudes from their partner slide and least of all affect their emotional wellbeing.

10. Someone who values their own feelings will not allow their partner to control their life. 

Examples: If your partner demands you to explain all your activities and personal schedule, does not respect your privacy, and organizes the plans without asking you, then you are most likely dealing with a controlling person. If you cannot take a step without explaining the why’s and where’s, then this relationship has the power to hurt you in the short and long term.

9. Someone who knows the ins and outs of their own mind know there is no reason why someone should try to change who they are.

Examples: When they ask you to change the way you dress, act, or speak, or if they are trying to convince you that your interests or tastes are not good enough, these are warning signs. When they are trying to force you to adopt a certain personality that you know is not authentic, then you are most likely involved with a person who will tirelessly try to shape you into someone you’re not.

8. People with emotional intelligence know that a partner is toxic if they try to convince them that they are unworthy of love or time.

Examples: If your partner constantly reminds you of how lucky you are to have them by your side or if they question your own value, as if you were inferior, then you are going out with a person who is seeking to feed their own ego by destroying your self esteem.

7. For someone who has a firm grasp of their emotions is well aware that constant lies spell the ending of any relationship.

Example: A lie can take different dimensions, it can be from a small detail to an infidelity. If your partner is constantly lying then the trust you deposited on them will fade and crumble.

6. People with a strong self esteem will avoid manipulation at all costs.

Examples: Blackmail, dramatic scenes, threats, or any tool your partner employs to manipulate you means you form part of a toxic relationship. The other person is unwilling to compromise so both of you can enjoy a healthy relationship, the best decision would be to walk away.

5. A person with a keen insight into the feelings of others know that excessive jealousy is not normal in a healthy relationship.

Example: Jealousy to a certain extent is normal and not so worrying; however, if this green monster completely dominates your partner then it will put your well being at risk and these enormous emotional insecurities are not something you are supposed to carry as a heavy burden.

4. Lack of communication in a relationship will never keep a person with a strong sense of self satisfied.

Examples: Learning to share what you feel and think and most importantly, learning to listen, are an imperative for a healthy relationship. It is ok to keep some secrets, everyone has them, but if honesty is lacking in the equation, then the relationship is bound to stumble and fall.

3. Aggression and rudeness are never acceptable for someone who values their emotions and those of their partner.

Example: A hurtful comment, rude word, or aggression will forever fracture the relationship. These aggressions encompass physical, psychological, verbal, and sexual, and none are justifiable and least of all permissible.

2. A person who can discern the qualities that make up a good relationship would never allow their partner to make their decisions for them nor monopolize their time.

Examples: If you are with someone who constantly chooses for you, solves your problems, and answers on your behalf, then you are wading into dangerous waters. You are clearly with someone who will never respect your decisions and will keep their interests always above your own.

1. An emotionally intelligent person avoids someone who constantly questions or disapproves of their thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Examples: Allowing your partner to judge and criticize your actions, feelings, and thoughts, then you form part of an unbalanced relationship where one party belittles the other.

All of these examples are some of the attitudes emotionally intelligent people will prohibit in their own relationships. This emotional acuity is something crucial that we must all develop since it is practically in charge of transforming any negative impact into positive actions that will allow you to grow and improve. If you develop this emotional compass, then you will be able to pinpoint which relationships are bad and which are good for you.

Laura Stevens is the creator of these photographs. 

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